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Monty Python and the Holy Grail Ending - Rewritten
Author :WinterFlower
© Webnovel

1 Ending

*Please note this a fan-created ending that in no way was in the actual movie. Also, all credit goes to the original creators Terry Gilliam andTerry Jones.*

As the police pulled up, Arthur and his army came to a screeching halt. Police officers jumped out of their vehicles and grabbed Arthur, dragging him to their cars.

"Impudence!" shouted Arthur. "Unhand me at once! Don't you know who I am!? I am king of the Britains, Arthur Pendragon!"

"Oh shush," said an officer, "if you are the king of Britain then I'm God."

The police snickered as Arthur sputtered, angrily.

"Don't say I didn't warn you!" shouted Arthur, "Attack, my army!"

The army once again charged, quickly wrestling away Arthur from the clutches of the police. The police were quickly defeated.

"What should we do with these strange knights, my liege?" asked Sir Bedevere.

"Just leave them," said Arthur. "We can't afford to be distracted. After all, we're on a mission from God."

Sir Bedevere nodded. "Very good my liege. Charge!! We must take the castle from the evil French!"

The army began its charge for the third time. They quickly reached the castle walls and pulled their siege instruments in place. Arthur procured a megaphone and shouted up at the French, "Surrender now and we will spare your lives!"

A head was seen peeking over the ramparts. It was quickly pulled back, followed by the sounds of a discussion taking place. After five minutes, Arthur was getting impatient.

"Hurry up! We haven't got all day."

The muttering became even faster. After another minute or so, the head reappeared.

"After minutes of deliberation, we have decided." said the head. A pause.

"Well?" asked Arthur.

Another pause.

"No!"

"No what?"

"No surrender!"

Arthur nodded, "well then, a foolhardy choice indeed. Attack!"

"Wait!"

Arthur stopped.

"What?"

"Before you stupid brits attack, I have three words for you."

"Go on."

The Frenchman paused then yelled with all his might. "RELEASE THE KRAKEN!"

Behind Arthur's army, the waves of the "lake" swelled and a massive figure was seen. Giant, slimy, pink, disgusting tentacles with massive, translucent, disgusting suction cups with massive, sharp, gutwrenching hooks attached to each one, rose from the water. They grabbed Arthur's army and dragged it into the depths of the "lake". Arthur's men struggled, many drowning in a foot of water while the others were crushed under the debris and massive tentacles. When the screaming stopped and the water was calm again, Arthur stared in shock. His entire army was gone as if it had never even existed. He fell to his knees.

"How could this happen?" he muttered to himself. "We were on a mission from God. How is this possible!?" His voice swelled to a scream.


The loud laughing of the French awake Arthur from his shock.

"YOU! YOU DID THIS!" Arthur angrily screamed at them. "WHY COULDN'T YOU JUST LET ME IN AND LET ME FINISH MY MISSION FROM GOD!!?"

"Mission from God?" the Frenchmen scoffed. "What, 'mission from God'?"

"THE ONE TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL!" screamed Arthur.

"Ohhhhhhhh, that mission from God." the Frenchmen nodded knowingly. "Yeah, that wasn't God who gave you the mission."

"What? What do you mean God didn't give me the mission?"

"Twas I who gave thee thy mission!"

"Why are you speaking in tongues man?! Speak in English!"

"I said, it was me who gave you the mission you stupid British buffoon!"

"Nooooooooooo!! That's not possible!!" Arthur slammed his fists on the ground.

The Frenchmen laughed. "Of course it is. I was bored and decided to mess with your stupid, British face. It was quite entertaining I must say. Anyway, now that the game is up, there is no more use for you. Tata!"

The corpse of a cow flew over the ramparts and landed on Arthur, killing him instantly.

And so ends the tale of King Arthur and The Knights of the Round Table.

*Somewhere in Kansas*

"That's not how its supposed to end!" shouted Jim.

"Oh shut up. Its more entertaining this way," said Tim.

"I'll show you entertaining!!"

"No! What are you doing!? Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!"

The sounds of gunshots ring out.

And then, all was quiet.

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